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its been ages since i logged in. heh. ive finally managed to land a job (only took me 7 months!) and weve moved into the house and sorta almost settled in (though no housewarming YET) and all that fun jazz. work is good - quiet and dull but good. im enjoying myself. my colleagues are pretty decent, weve hung out a few times and ive crashed at one (well two since they are housemates) a couple of times. i think sometimes im a little too old, but it seems to work. im close to a couple (d & a) so thats good, they just work on totally different shifts from me so it makes me feel slightly left out or like maybe im miss reading their signals. i dont want to be making an ass with people i need to work with daily - its embarassing. im sure these people are my friends but i might just be expecting more so soon and it needs to happen. i need to stop being so paranoid. maybe speak to the dr about going back on my anti-anxiety meds - which i think is the root of me feeling so self-concious (ive butchered that - yay to posting from ie!) about those around me. i feel like im 16 all over again and trying to impress people. ugh. i know i dont have to and should take things as they come, but i dunno. i havent felt this nervous and anxious in a few years. its really pissing me off. grrr. i dont want to go back on the lexapro - i wont be able to drink :( and i LOVE to drink. oh wells. if it helps for a few months and gets me back to normal, then i guess it wont be so bad, right?? anyways, close to a couple of people, espeically A. hes good guy and makes me laugh. when we're drunk we have these really amazing deep thoughtful (well at the time they are deep and thoughful) conversations like i havent had in a long, long time. we're supposed to go to a hockey game together for his birthday in october. which im excited for. i havent been to a ice hockey game in YEARS. too bad its not an nhl game, but its a game and it will suffice for now. anyways time for a break. Labels: anxiety, paranoia, work |