utter nonsense

Thursday, January 18, 2007

So my sister is moving back to to the states and pretty much fucking us over. Im not too shocked bein this is my family and none of them are reliable. I thought my sister was but I was wrong. Its okay though, shes an adult and free to make her own mistakes, I just wish she could see out a god damn promise. But I guess thats what makes me better then her, even if my parents still see me as the evil one.

My mom is cancer free, so Im glad. No funerals to rush home to or anything nasty like that.

My mother is pulling drama on me and I dont know how to take it. Ive tried to keep in touch with her without her driving me mad. Which is good, but aparently not good enough for her. I could treat her lilke I do my father and only speak with him for maybe two hours a year, but I choose not to because I know that would upset her and cause a rift between my mother sister and I. As Im already labeled the bad one, I choose to do the latter. So much so as I pay for our phone calls, I tried to keep in touch. I havent as of late due to my sim card being lost and it had EVERYONES numbers and info on it. Ive also lacked a phone line until last week - which is now out of service thanks to having to have to have DSL and the fact the fucking installers are idiots and unhooked our voice line and didnt plug it back in!!!!! - and Ive also lacked internet. In fact Im posting this on an unsecured network. with Mike new iMac. I cant call and cant regularly email, she is aware of this, but didnt make any effort to be in touch with me and leaving everything on my FLAKEY sisters shoulders.

I reach my sister tonight to talk to her as I can not reach my mother and basically Im to blame for everything and my mother pretty doesnt much want anything to do with me because when I mention Mike and Is trip back to the US Ive failed to mention to her directly that we're seeing her. Which is just fucking drama. Ive mentioned to her NUMEROUS of times that we plan on going to sunny old retirement-ville to see her and her bf. Ive mentioned in the almost 3 years Mike and I have been together they HAVE to meet the next time we're back in the States together.

Im sorry if Im more excited to get back to my favorite place in this world and cant wait to be enthralled by it again. Thats not my fault, shes the one who choose to leave and move to florida, not mine. It was always our plan to go to florida for a long weekend, it was just deciding on and when and where we were going. In fact because Ive been without communication I havent been able to tell her Ill be back in the states from April 10th to the 24th. She could pick up a phone to discuss this WITH me, but she CHOOSES not to. She knows full well Im without HER number (my lovely sister refused to give it to me) and for the 5 minutes Ive had internet since dec 22nd Ive contacted her with all contact numbers and addresses. She chooses to ignore those emails it is not my fault.

She says Im not warm to her, Im not affectionate enough, I cant be with all the crap shes put me through. And I wont be. I love her dearly but theres issues there that cant be resolved unless we're in group therapy together. With me being here in the UK and her there, I doubt thats going to happen.

Im not a bad daughter, just one whose been to enough shrinks and to know who to keep where in my life.

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posted by: Kerri at 1:29 am
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