utter nonsense

Thursday, October 14, 2004

tonight sucked. big time. was having a GREAT time, went to change into something warm and comfy and i got a phone call. THE phone call. fuck. i lost my job tonight. i feel like such a loser. apparently they aren't making enough business or whatever and i had to be let go. i just ugh. so now me going to england might be me MOVING to england. ugh i have three weeks to figure everything out. this fucking sucks. well it sucks ive lost my job and cant come over fully prepared and adult like. it doesn't suck i get to be with my baby.

so right now jo and i are working on my resume trying to see what i can pull together in the next few weeks before i go. seeing if i can get work here before i leave. while im in the process of that ive got to see if i can file for a temporary work visa and still apply for my registration while being in the UK. fucking consulate is far from helpful and its like talking to a god damn brick wall. im so frustrated.

i havent told mike yet, and i will in the morning when i get back from getting my last paychecks. its going to be hard discussing this so far away and while hes at work. and its hard to discuss things when he gets in cause his job exhausts him so. hes not hard to talk to, i just dont want to drop things on him. i know no matter what happens, hes there for me.

ugh this fucking sucks so much god damn ass.

its just scary things could be rushing from five months to three weeks. thats the part thats scaring me. maybe this huge desicon (sp??)is finally weighing in on me. its not going to be a mistake its just a huge choice to make. i want to make it. its a good nervous. im just afraid of losing him. everyone else has left me why wouldnt he? he says he wont.. but im just so scared. i do know if things end, at least ill have my own place and my own life that had just started so i wouldnt be losing much.

now just to tell my dad :\ its weird.. im afraid of disappointing him - again. so much to deal with on my plate and ugh. but i guess, just like when everything happened this time last year, its proving ground for myself and to see if i can make it. everything happens for a reason, right?


posted by: Kerri at 3:02 am
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