utter nonsense

Thursday, October 03, 2002

so i found my first boyfriend's online personal. first of all, he went from DORK to hottie. totally filled out his frame. muscles n everything. i knew i liked lanky guys for a reason. lol. also, i have mixed emotions about finding it. its amazing how over 7 years can pass and someone can still feel twinges of emotion still. i regret hurting him after we broke up. i apologized, but i dont think he took it seriously.

i was thinking about him at work today, well all day actually. wondering what could have happened between us. where we would be right now if we never broke up and i have never met smalls. i really loved him. i thought, i didnt, but now i look back and i did. he loved me before he even SAW or MET me. i loved and adored him before i even met him. he was my world and i was so crushed when he was gone. it took me a good year to get over him.. at least i think i got over him. can one still hold on to emotions from seven years ago? or am i only thinking im having these emotions because im remembering what we had?

he has an email address published, but it looks like his old prodigy one that he had in high school. he has a yahoo perosnal, so i wonder if i can find his yahoo email address?? well, if i did get the email addy, i dont know what i would say, even if i did say anything. do i say hi whats up? do i tell him whats going on in my life? would it be too freaky to even contemplate emailing him?

i just feel like everything happens for a reason, and i dont know, maybe this is love coming back to me? or just me having false hope? or is this me hopeing that love is coming back to me? if love was coming back to me, wouldnt he have contacted me? gaaaah, im so confused.


posted by: Kerri at 7:13 am
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