utter nonsense

Saturday, September 14, 2002

yeah, so last night i was pissed with barry and in turn it made me pissed with the entire male population. i thought he was ignoring me, because he wasn't picking up his phone. he's like oh, i was driving with the radio really loud". but i called his cell, and that has caller id. so you know i had called without leaving a voicemail. why didn't he call me back when he got home? it's little shit like that is what really pisses me off with men. when i got him from the game, he wasn't online (which is odd, because he's -ALWAYS- online). so, i kinda over-reacted and freaked a little by saying that everyone with the xy chromosomes can go fuck themselves. when he finally did come online, he apologized and then got mad at me for not contacting him all day. which was bullshit, because i had texted him at lunch with the word "dork" and then called him after i had finished eating lunch and still got no answer. so i hung up. i mean, it could possibly be that at&t fucked it up for him (it usually happens when he's at rutgers). we got everything out in the open and talked all night (like we -always- do) and passed out on the phone with each other. too bad i couldn't really be falling asleep in his arms. one night, i hope.

i'm falling harder then i should be right now. i'm just going to get myself hurt.

he wants to get a gun permit. that scares me. ALOT. i don't like guns at all. guns kill, you know? god forbid anything happens to anyone in our prescence because of that thing.

alex doesn't hate me. that's good. i think he's still pissed at me though..

last night, my self esteem was shit. all over a fucking guy. i had half the bridge worried over me. well, not half the bridge, just the few members who are real and geniune were worried. jelani helped me alot. thank you. you don't know what it meant to me to talk. you seriously rock.

shit, boyd's violin is -so- out of tune on this two step from 02.24.1995. it's painful to listen to it.

i shouldn't let a man control my feelings, it's not healthy. i am not going to kill myself over a fucking man. they are not worth it at all. plus, it would suck if no one came to my funeral. it's bad enough my life sucks right now. it would suck even more if i hadn't touched anyone's life in any way. then i really didn't matter if that happens.

i'm thinking of him and getting excited. i think the two of us are going to be amazing in bed. yeah, i think it's now official. i've fallen waaaaay too hard. it's only a matter of time for when the tears begin to fall and my heart will be shattered. anyways, i'm now horny and stuck at work and can't do anything about it. this fucking sucks.

crystal needs some manners. she's sitting here eating caeser salad with her fingers! fucking disgusting.

he said something about hitting the san genario festival on saturday. i'd love to go and meet him and hold hands and just have a really good time together.


posted by: Kerri at 4:18 am
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